I know you told me not to write every day, but I promise my hand is not getting cramped up. I can't help it, I think about you and then I want to write to you. I'd give just about anything to sneak into the main office and find my phone, just to text you for an immediate reply (if you would even reply immediately), or even use the office phone to hear your voice. If it was you, you'd have no trouble sneaking in and just taking what you wanted. Facing the consequences would go against that whole resting thing though... they can get brutal.
So I'm rooming with five other girls right? And I'd finally started to get more friendly with a couple of them. Then, you'll never guess what happened. I totally walked in and caught them kissing! They begged me not to tell, then they told me about two other girls who had been caught doing the same thing. They told me how they got separated from each other, and no one saw them for a week or so, then they showed up suddenly involved with a couple of the boys. Obviously I won't say anything to anyone, but I told them that's just got to be an exaggeration. You can't just make people straight. They looked pretty worried though, had some weird theories about them being...nevermind, it's crazy really.
I can assure you that I have no desire to look for another soulmate. The toxicity in the potential mates here is less than desirable. Besides, I'm not looking for my self worth in a boy right now. I'm working on myself, and trying to figure out how to both be the colorful eccentric person that I am, while not drawing the wrong sort of attention, because like you said I'm healing. Honestly, I get a little nervous about anyone here finding out how weak I still am. If they gang up on me...which, you know isn't exactly likely. But what is dominance if not in big part a staring contest. I'm hoping to keep it that way.
Also, thank you for the compliments. I like knowing that someone out there sees me as remarkable and strong. That someone cares that I'm still in pain and healing. I'll remember that while I have to rely on my bark rather than my bite.
[ Just a bunch of hearts and smiley faces before: ]
Adoringly yours, Enid
P.S. I am sure you inspire lustful thoughts in more people than you might think. You're really attractive Wednesday, gorgeous. Maybe not in the way that the average person would consider, but definitely beautiful. Like the moon, on a dark night. Luminescent?
P.P.S. You are totally still a hypocrite. You emerged from a coma with a plan to control a hyde!
Your letter was intriguing in multiple areas, but that little artistic display at the end was revolting and nearly ruined the aberrant beauty you'd managed to conjure with your words. For the sake of our friendship, I'll pretend I didn't see it.
I don't think anyone has ever used "luminescent" as a compliment for me before. I suppose I can give you points for creativity, even if I find the idea of anyone lusting after me to be confounding. Not because I think of myself as ugly, but there's more that goes into attraction than physical looks, and I find it hard to imagine myself as attractive to the average population, even among Outcasts.
More importantly, you should take the theories of your roommates more seriously. Given the emphasis on the traditional expansion of packs and the fact that there exists a werewolf conversion camp at all, it would be entirely unsurprising if they used other types of conversion therapies in order to make a werewolf a more acceptable breeding partner. No, you can not force a person to change their sexuality, but you can instill brainwashing and fear tactics into them to make them go against their own desires and become more socially acceptable. The Pack Mentality that you've been vocally opposed to for its toxic qualities would be the same mentality used to control the actions of those who go against the grain.
My point is, their theories may not be as crazy as you want to think they are.
Agnes had mentioned you were embracing a "single era" and trying to find actual freedom for yourself through it. I applaud the decision and am glad to hear you've chosen to stick with it, even when away from your usual social circles. I know it's harder to hold true to your convictions when faced with peer pressures, but this is one I highly encourage you to continue, no matter what acceptance you might find if you were to cave and date whatever tall, dark, and generic imbecile has managed to gain popularity at your camp this year.
Controlling Tyler was a perfectly acceptable plan given that we had no idea you could transform outside of a full moon and I wouldn't have let you once we knew the risks of it anyway. Without your werewolf strength, there was a negligible chance of our success in killing him, and a much higher chance of winning if I injected him with the same concoction that Laurel had used against him. It was strategic, potentially life saving, and therefore not the same as unnecessarily risking your health just to show you're a better competitor than some nobody she-wolf in the middle of the woods.
There are much better scenarios to emphasize my hypocrisy than that. Following Rowan into the woods after having a vision of his brutal murder was far more reckless, really.
Call it strategy if you want, you still take risks with your health that you won't permit others to do, and that makes you a hypocrite. I love all of you, but you are a damn hypocrite Wednesday Addams! Overbearing as she is, I still can't help but hope your mother continues to keep an eye on you, at least while I am stuck here and can't protect you myself. You're right though, what happened with Rowan was different than Tyler, but both prove you might be just as bad at judging the intention of boys as you say I am!
But you are right, I have a horrible disposition when it comes to being alone. Is it so bad to want to be a part of a group, so I'm not completely alone here? Sometimes I feel myself wanting to cave in. I went on a walk with one boy, and I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but he leaned in to tuck my hair behind my ear he asked me if I wanted to be "tamed". Gross. I pulled away fast, no way am I gonna be let him turn me into his pet.
Speaking of kissing, I've walked in on Marie and Claire (the cabin mates I was telling you about), several times. I think they know that I won't disclose their secret. They look cozy all curled up, and I can't help but feel a little envious. Obviously I don't spy on them or anything, but sometimes at night when we are hanging out in the cabin, Marie will lay her head on Claire's lap and she'll just run her fingers through her hair, like it's the most natural thing in the whole world. Not that it isn't, but you know, natural like they are just so comfortable with one another. They remind me a little of Yoko and Divina, deeply, deeply in love. I can't help but want what they have.
Sorry for the sentimentality, I know you find it draining. Since it's a letter, I guess you won't be able to drown it out to your typing or cello playing. Are you still playing that piece that you were working on while I was in the hospital. It's so weird, I still hear it when I'm falling asleep, I think my brain must have integrated it or something because I'll be dreaming and then wake up confused as to why you aren't there.
The full moon is in three days. I can't seem to fully shake the fear of transitioning when you aren't close by. You keep me grounded Wednesday, it's no wonder I feel so unsettled.
Thinking of you often, Enid
[ Another letter sent the following day, this one in a larger envelope, with a suncatcher inside. Behind it is a small note: ]
Wednesday,
I'm sure that your response to my emojis is much the same as my response to your criticism of them. That the familiarity of getting the expected response is oddly comforting. I wouldn't want to -nauseate- you, but admit it, you miss the color I bring into your life. Since I can read your faux disdain in your words, I won't entirely spare you my little drawings'm sparing you the tiny little pictures in the margins and attaching an art project I did. So, if you take wax paper and little crayon shavings you can make this stained glass suncatcher. Okay, so it's totally juvenile, but one of the little pups asked if I'd do it with her, and I thought you might be happy if I took a break from running laps around the camp (kidding!). So I made one in the theme of our window and thought you could hang it in yours.
Yours, Enid
P.S. Your mouth did that twitchy little hint of a smile when you saw my art project, didn't it?
Your desire for acceptance is only "bad" when it puts your own sense of self in danger. When you bend yourself into something smaller than you are in order to please others. By silencing your own strengths and your own opinions, you run the risk of losing who you truly are in order to make someone else feel more secure in themselves. I'm glad to hear you aren't caving for pathetic nonentity treat you in such a way. If I'd heard someone say they'd tame you, I'd probably cut out their tongue.
Not in front of you, though. I know how you feel about blood.
The love you crave will be yours someday. You're too caring an individual and too unique a personality to ever be cursed to being alone for all of your existence. I know that there is someone out there who will give you the same affection you try to endlessly give to others. They'll accept all of you. You've had plenty who have pretended to do that, but you'll find one who is true to their word.
If I'm wrong, we can always keep each other company in our old age. So long as you don't mind keeping such eccentric company for so long.
You should consider getting an authentic dreamcatcher to help with the strange dreams you say you're having. If it's made by someone who actually knows how to weave the correct patterns, they can be quite helpful.
Devotedly, Wednesday Addams
P.S. Yes, I am still working on the cello piece from before. I think I've almost completed it and will make sure to play it in it's entirety the next time I see you. Perhaps it's stuck in your head because it was incomplete and your mind wants to finish it. My apologies if that is the case.
I knew you'd like it! It had better actually be hanging in your window. I know I've never been to your home, but I assume your bedroom is absent of color. Maybe having just a little bit of color will make you think of me. I like to think that maybe it would make you happy to have a little bit of a rainbow waking you up in the morning. But, if it's really not your thing, I promise not to hold it against you if you are humoring me and just tucked it away in a drawer to look at every once in awhile if you miss me too much!
So, I stayed inside during the full moon. The staff were almost weirdly upset that I didn't transition, but backed off after my claws came out. I know you like it when I really give into the freedom of being a wolf, but I felt like I needed to just hide out and avoid everyone. I'd had a nightmare ahead of the full moon that I was back in the Canadian woods, being chased. When I was thrown down, it was the leader of the camp who went for my throat. You're right, maybe I do need a dreamcatcher, the nightmares have been getting more intense. So bad I'm losing sleep.
Anyway, the idea of changing here makes me really nervous. But, I just kept my head about me, and remembered that wolfing out is *my* choice. I won't give them any of me. But the desire to release the beast within me is overwhelming. I put my headphones on, listened to cello music and let that ground me. I could *almost* convince myself it was you playing (I can't wait to hear the whole piece). The next thing I knew it was morning, and I felt safe again.
So far the only one who seems to like all of me is you. Maybe Agnes, but that still feels different. The idea of growing old with you doesn't even sound like a consolation prize. I think I would appreciate having the opportunity to annoy you into our old age. Don't you think you'd feel as if you were missing out on something? Like I wasn't enough? I know I crave affection, but the way you cared for me after I [ 'nearly di' has been well scratched out ] was injured, makes me feel like I could be content with any affection that you would offer. You are soft Wednesday Addams, when you allow yourself to be, and I can work around the sharper edges. So if we do grow old together, will you at least let me lay my head on your lap and scratch my hair behind my ear?
Of course my bedroom is devoid of color. I prefer to avoid the possibility allergic reactions in my own personal space as much as possible. However, since your suncatcher is easy to avoid touching if it's hanging up, it can be the one exception to my monochrome rule, I suppose. Thing says he thinks it brightens the place up. Just what I always wanted.
I'm sure you can hear the sarcasm and I don't have to draw one of those eyeroll pictures for you.
Your gut instincts on your transformation should be trusted. While giving in to your wolf side is certainly an attractive quality, it should only be done when you feel safe and secure. It's your emotions that cloud your ability to transform back and forth. If your anxieties are heightened, than your control will lessen, and we both know the last thing you need is to be stuck in your alpha form in a large group of traditional minded werewolves. Continue to do what you feel comfortable with and forget about how they feel over it. At least they allowed you to listen to music to control it, I suppose. If they denied you everything that helps in order to pressure you into transformation, then I would highly suggest you leave first thing.
You will always be enough for me, but if you go around calling me soft where people can see, we'll grow old together in cold silence and with very little head scratching. I trust you to maintain my carefully crafted reputation.
What do you think I would possibly be missing out on?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I know you told me not to write every day, but I promise my hand is not getting cramped up. I can't help it, I think about you and then I want to write to you. I'd give just about anything to sneak into the main office and find my phone, just to text you for an immediate reply (if you would even reply immediately), or even use the office phone to hear your voice. If it was you, you'd have no trouble sneaking in and just taking what you wanted. Facing the consequences would go against that whole resting thing though... they can get brutal.
So I'm rooming with five other girls right? And I'd finally started to get more friendly with a couple of them. Then, you'll never guess what happened. I totally walked in and caught them kissing! They begged me not to tell, then they told me about two other girls who had been caught doing the same thing. They told me how they got separated from each other, and no one saw them for a week or so, then they showed up suddenly involved with a couple of the boys. Obviously I won't say anything to anyone, but I told them that's just got to be an exaggeration. You can't just make people straight. They looked pretty worried though, had some weird theories about them being...nevermind, it's crazy really.
I can assure you that I have no desire to look for another soulmate. The toxicity in the potential mates here is less than desirable. Besides, I'm not looking for my self worth in a boy right now. I'm working on myself, and trying to figure out how to both be the colorful eccentric person that I am, while not drawing the wrong sort of attention, because like you said I'm healing. Honestly, I get a little nervous about anyone here finding out how weak I still am. If they gang up on me...which, you know isn't exactly likely. But what is dominance if not in big part a staring contest. I'm hoping to keep it that way.
Also, thank you for the compliments. I like knowing that someone out there sees me as remarkable and strong. That someone cares that I'm still in pain and healing. I'll remember that while I have to rely on my bark rather than my bite.
[ Just a bunch of hearts and smiley faces before: ]
Adoringly yours,
Enid
P.S. I am sure you inspire lustful thoughts in more people than you might think. You're really attractive Wednesday, gorgeous. Maybe not in the way that the average person would consider, but definitely beautiful. Like the moon, on a dark night. Luminescent?
P.P.S. You are totally still a hypocrite. You emerged from a coma with a plan to control a hyde!
no subject
Your letter was intriguing in multiple areas, but that little artistic display at the end was revolting and nearly ruined the aberrant beauty you'd managed to conjure with your words. For the sake of our friendship, I'll pretend I didn't see it.
I don't think anyone has ever used "luminescent" as a compliment for me before. I suppose I can give you points for creativity, even if I find the idea of anyone lusting after me to be confounding. Not because I think of myself as ugly, but there's more that goes into attraction than physical looks, and I find it hard to imagine myself as attractive to the average population, even among Outcasts.
More importantly, you should take the theories of your roommates more seriously. Given the emphasis on the traditional expansion of packs and the fact that there exists a werewolf conversion camp at all, it would be entirely unsurprising if they used other types of conversion therapies in order to make a werewolf a more acceptable breeding partner. No, you can not force a person to change their sexuality, but you can instill brainwashing and fear tactics into them to make them go against their own desires and become more socially acceptable. The Pack Mentality that you've been vocally opposed to for its toxic qualities would be the same mentality used to control the actions of those who go against the grain.
My point is, their theories may not be as crazy as you want to think they are.
Agnes had mentioned you were embracing a "single era" and trying to find actual freedom for yourself through it. I applaud the decision and am glad to hear you've chosen to stick with it, even when away from your usual social circles. I know it's harder to hold true to your convictions when faced with peer pressures, but this is one I highly encourage you to continue, no matter what acceptance you might find if you were to cave and date whatever tall, dark, and generic imbecile has managed to gain popularity at your camp this year.
Controlling Tyler was a perfectly acceptable plan given that we had no idea you could transform outside of a full moon and I wouldn't have let you once we knew the risks of it anyway. Without your werewolf strength, there was a negligible chance of our success in killing him, and a much higher chance of winning if I injected him with the same concoction that Laurel had used against him. It was strategic, potentially life saving, and therefore not the same as unnecessarily risking your health just to show you're a better competitor than some nobody she-wolf in the middle of the woods.
There are much better scenarios to emphasize my hypocrisy than that. Following Rowan into the woods after having a vision of his brutal murder was far more reckless, really.
Affectionately,
Wednesday Addams
no subject
Call it strategy if you want, you still take risks with your health that you won't permit others to do, and that makes you a hypocrite. I love all of you, but you are a damn hypocrite Wednesday Addams! Overbearing as she is, I still can't help but hope your mother continues to keep an eye on you, at least while I am stuck here and can't protect you myself. You're right though, what happened with Rowan was different than Tyler, but both prove you might be just as bad at judging the intention of boys as you say I am!
But you are right, I have a horrible disposition when it comes to being alone. Is it so bad to want to be a part of a group, so I'm not completely alone here? Sometimes I feel myself wanting to cave in. I went on a walk with one boy, and I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but he leaned in to tuck my hair behind my ear he asked me if I wanted to be "tamed". Gross. I pulled away fast, no way am I gonna be let him turn me into his pet.
Speaking of kissing, I've walked in on Marie and Claire (the cabin mates I was telling you about), several times. I think they know that I won't disclose their secret. They look cozy all curled up, and I can't help but feel a little envious. Obviously I don't spy on them or anything, but sometimes at night when we are hanging out in the cabin, Marie will lay her head on Claire's lap and she'll just run her fingers through her hair, like it's the most natural thing in the whole world. Not that it isn't, but you know, natural like they are just so comfortable with one another. They remind me a little of Yoko and Divina, deeply, deeply in love. I can't help but want what they have.
Sorry for the sentimentality, I know you find it draining. Since it's a letter, I guess you won't be able to drown it out to your typing or cello playing. Are you still playing that piece that you were working on while I was in the hospital. It's so weird, I still hear it when I'm falling asleep, I think my brain must have integrated it or something because I'll be dreaming and then wake up confused as to why you aren't there.
The full moon is in three days. I can't seem to fully shake the fear of transitioning when you aren't close by. You keep me grounded Wednesday, it's no wonder I feel so unsettled.
Thinking of you often,
Enid
[ Another letter sent the following day, this one in a larger envelope, with a suncatcher inside. Behind it is a small note: ]
Wednesday,
I'm sure that your response to my emojis is much the same as my response to your criticism of them. That the familiarity of getting the expected response is oddly comforting. I wouldn't want to -nauseate- you, but admit it, you miss the color I bring into your life. Since I can read your faux disdain in your words, I won't entirely spare you my little drawings'm sparing you the tiny little pictures in the margins and attaching an art project I did. So, if you take wax paper and little crayon shavings you can make this stained glass suncatcher. Okay, so it's totally juvenile, but one of the little pups asked if I'd do it with her, and I thought you might be happy if I took a break from running laps around the camp (kidding!). So I made one in the theme of our window and thought you could hang it in yours.
Yours,
Enid
P.S. Your mouth did that twitchy little hint of a smile when you saw my art project, didn't it?
no subject
You're a sap.
Thank you for the present. It's... charming.
Your desire for acceptance is only "bad" when it puts your own sense of self in danger. When you bend yourself into something smaller than you are in order to please others. By silencing your own strengths and your own opinions, you run the risk of losing who you truly are in order to make someone else feel more secure in themselves. I'm glad to hear you aren't caving for pathetic nonentity treat you in such a way. If I'd heard someone say they'd tame you, I'd probably cut out their tongue.
Not in front of you, though. I know how you feel about blood.
The love you crave will be yours someday. You're too caring an individual and too unique a personality to ever be cursed to being alone for all of your existence. I know that there is someone out there who will give you the same affection you try to endlessly give to others. They'll accept all of you. You've had plenty who have pretended to do that, but you'll find one who is true to their word.
If I'm wrong, we can always keep each other company in our old age. So long as you don't mind keeping such eccentric company for so long.
You should consider getting an authentic dreamcatcher to help with the strange dreams you say you're having. If it's made by someone who actually knows how to weave the correct patterns, they can be quite helpful.
Devotedly,
Wednesday Addams
P.S. Yes, I am still working on the cello piece from before. I think I've almost completed it and will make sure to play it in it's entirety the next time I see you. Perhaps it's stuck in your head because it was incomplete and your mind wants to finish it. My apologies if that is the case.
no subject
I knew you'd like it! It had better actually be hanging in your window. I know I've never been to your home, but I assume your bedroom is absent of color. Maybe having just a little bit of color will make you think of me. I like to think that maybe it would make you happy to have a little bit of a rainbow waking you up in the morning. But, if it's really not your thing, I promise not to hold it against you if you are humoring me and just tucked it away in a drawer to look at every once in awhile if you miss me too much!
So, I stayed inside during the full moon. The staff were almost weirdly upset that I didn't transition, but backed off after my claws came out. I know you like it when I really give into the freedom of being a wolf, but I felt like I needed to just hide out and avoid everyone. I'd had a nightmare ahead of the full moon that I was back in the Canadian woods, being chased. When I was thrown down, it was the leader of the camp who went for my throat. You're right, maybe I do need a dreamcatcher, the nightmares have been getting more intense. So bad I'm losing sleep.
Anyway, the idea of changing here makes me really nervous. But, I just kept my head about me, and remembered that wolfing out is *my* choice. I won't give them any of me. But the desire to release the beast within me is overwhelming. I put my headphones on, listened to cello music and let that ground me. I could *almost* convince myself it was you playing (I can't wait to hear the whole piece). The next thing I knew it was morning, and I felt safe again.
So far the only one who seems to like all of me is you. Maybe Agnes, but that still feels different. The idea of growing old with you doesn't even sound like a consolation prize. I think I would appreciate having the opportunity to annoy you into our old age. Don't you think you'd feel as if you were missing out on something? Like I wasn't enough? I know I crave affection, but the way you cared for me after I [ 'nearly di' has been well scratched out ] was injured, makes me feel like I could be content with any affection that you would offer. You are soft Wednesday Addams, when you allow yourself to be, and I can work around the sharper edges. So if we do grow old together, will you at least let me lay my head on your lap and scratch my hair behind my ear?
What!? It's a werewolf thing!
Thinking of you always,
Enid
no subject
Of course my bedroom is devoid of color. I prefer to avoid the possibility allergic reactions in my own personal space as much as possible. However, since your suncatcher is easy to avoid touching if it's hanging up, it can be the one exception to my monochrome rule, I suppose. Thing says he thinks it brightens the place up. Just what I always wanted.
I'm sure you can hear the sarcasm and I don't have to draw one of those eyeroll pictures for you.
Your gut instincts on your transformation should be trusted. While giving in to your wolf side is certainly an attractive quality, it should only be done when you feel safe and secure. It's your emotions that cloud your ability to transform back and forth. If your anxieties are heightened, than your control will lessen, and we both know the last thing you need is to be stuck in your alpha form in a large group of traditional minded werewolves. Continue to do what you feel comfortable with and forget about how they feel over it. At least they allowed you to listen to music to control it, I suppose. If they denied you everything that helps in order to pressure you into transformation, then I would highly suggest you leave first thing.
You will always be enough for me, but if you go around calling me soft where people can see, we'll grow old together in cold silence and with very little head scratching. I trust you to maintain my carefully crafted reputation.
What do you think I would possibly be missing out on?
Yours,
Wednesday Addams